I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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