Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
