the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I believe in your delicious
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
