Quick, to the slutcave!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
