I wannas sexs uuuuu
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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