I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Green mimosas i think yes
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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