did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
