You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
