I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
