She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
