Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
