: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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