Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
