so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
