All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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