dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
