I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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