Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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