oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
