I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
