I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
