There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
