Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
