Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
