Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
me + whiskey = a bad person
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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