i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
