I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
