dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
