So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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