The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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