one word: firstdatebathroomanal
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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