I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
