I hate all girls vehemently.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
