I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
