that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How does one acquire holy water?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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