Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
