got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
