Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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