watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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