I cut my penus on the lid.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
