I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
