This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
