When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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