I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize