I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
