whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
