o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I AM VODKA MAN
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
