Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
