sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
