it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
