It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
