I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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