Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
