just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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