You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
