so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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