Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
