Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
