Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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