Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
