i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
