She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
