Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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