8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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