I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
