capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
